Short Story

''It was raining. It was raining and I didn’t have any cigarette. Have you realized smokers always smoke more than usual when it’s raining? Yeah, I’m the kind of man who does that all the time’’. I lived in the city, but my mum needed to move because of her sickness…she had a heart attack a month ago. The doctor said she needed some clean air…some changes in her life. Besides, her mind wasn’t that lucid and she barely could walk. So you may wonder where I am. My current residence is in Puerto Natales. If you don’t know where that is I can make it easier for you: It’s almost at the bottom of the world. I had to make an effort to keep her alive. I don’t know if it’s worth it now. Samantha, my sister is coming from Iquique this weekend. She said she was staying the whole month. I don’t think I can handle this. We never got along. She arrived and I went to pick her up at the bus station, because she didn’t know where our home was. When she saw me, she run to me, she looked at me and she started to cry. I held her and she hold me. She wasn’t crying normal, she was yelling and sobbing and crying… I don’t know why! God damn it I wanted to run away. When she decided to let me go, she looked at me with a weird gaze and said ‘what is wrong with you?!’ I kept my mouth shut and looked away. I was driving home and she asked: -So…how was she? -Cold…I don’t know. I didn’t want to look. - She looked at me and started to cry again ‘oh my god, oh my god, oh my god- she howled. - oh come on!- I said. SHUT UP! – I yelled. You weren’t even there when she died! She suddenly stopped crying. When we finally got home I didn’t know what to say nor do. I was very uncomfortable and I knew she was too, but she didn’t say anything. She asked me where her room was, it was late, cold and it was a long way from the north. She wanted to lie down for a while. So I took her bags and said ‘follow me’. I went to the first floor and made myself a drink. I sat on the couch and lit up a cigarette. It was a lucky strike. I saw the smoke moving and dancing and fading away. I closed my eyes and my mum’s image came right away with those big- lost –eyes of hers , saying ‘where are we? I WANT TO GO HOME!’ I opened my eyes, drank a sip and smoked a drag. I was shuddering. Suddenly I heard noises, steps to be specifically. It was my sister. She had put on a wool sweater because it was really cold. -Nice sweater- I said gently -Thanks, mum nailed it for me. - Oh really? And why was that for? - I said ironically. -OK! Stop it! What is with you!- she yelled. I stood up and asked her. ‘Do you want a drink?’ she agreed. We were both sitting on the couch, drinking and smoking without saying a word. ‘’It was raining. It was raining and I didn’t have any cigarette. Have you realized smokers always smoke more than usual when it’s raining? Yeah, I’m the kind of man who does that all the time’’. I suddenly said. She looked at me strangely but wanting me to continue. I never thought that day would come. I was so exhausted. Changing her dippers, trying to explain her everything, feeding her… everything. I was so tired of everything and so angry at you because you never were here. I was feeling lonely and sad. I use to think a lot about her death. I always thought ‘’ when she dies, I’ll go back to Santiago and live my life again…maybe find a girl and make a family’’… I never thought I would feel like this…so lost, so defenseless. ‘’It was raining. It was raining and I didn’t have any cigarette. Have you realized smokers always smoke more than usual when it’s raining? Yeah, I’m the kind of man who does that all the time. So I went to tell her I was going to buy some, she looked at me with a strange look, like saying ‘’don’t leave me’’. She tried to tell me something, I think she was trying to say she was feeling weird and her chest hurt, but I thought she was trying to call my attention, so I told her I’ll be right back, mum. I won’t be long. When I came back I went upstairs to see her and she was lying on the floor. I got scared and took her in my arms… she was already dead. I knew that but I called an ambulance anyway. The doctor said she had a heart attack and there was nothing else I could do’’ She had a heart attack, Sam… and I had gone to buy cigarettes! If I hadn’t gone, she would’ve survived! It was my fault Sam! It was my fault. I let her die! I cried. ,